Best Tumblr Tidbits From The Past Week

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andcallmeshirley
Sep 12, 2020 5:38 PM EDT

We love to check up on our friends from Tumblr every once in a while. It's a corner of the internet not many people brave but the payoff is usually worth it. Enjoy some funny Tumblr posts spotted and collected over the past week, and if you still haven't had enough fear not! There's plenty more where these came from.

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  • 01
    Text - joey-wheeler-official gettin real tired of people pretending that the writers not explaining every little thing in detail is the same thing as a plothole tbh joey-wheeler-official has to think once while watching something whoa this is bad writing pressxtodavid The Cinema Sins effect
    via Reddit
  • 02
    Text - birthdaypigeon could u imagine if ppl talked about catholicism the same way they talked about like... indigenous ppl's religions.. birthdaypigeon girl in horror movie holding a bible open: "according to legend, a mob tortured a half-man, half-god, and nailed him to a wooden cross, leaving him to starve to death. But days later, on this very night, they found he had clawed his way out of the grave. Now those who believe lie in wait for him to rise again, To honour him, they have weekly gat
    via Reddit
  • 03
    Astronomy - enecoo New gender reveal idea deathborn666 NOW ALL OF CALIFORNIA KNOWS ITSA BOY Tigtip.com
    via Reddit
  • 04
    Text - sludgebat E romanadvoratnalundar Follow ... weeb-dweeb Follow If brains are biological computers, why don't we lag? mirthandir Follow You can't tell me you've never walked into a room and forgotten why you're there or lost a train of thought for a few seconds thetallesthobbit Follow Once when I was driving home from school I had a brief moment of panic because I thought I'd forgotten my car at school rasec-wizzlbang Follow can a human brain run doom Ke nuka-rockit Follow what do you think
    via Reddit
  • 05
    Text - tragedycamp i am going to sound ssssooooo0o mean. but. i legit do not care if it wasn't that couple's intention to start a wildfire. like...no kidding. i never thought it was. who would intentionally set california on fire for a gender reveal??? they still deserve to be ridiculed as much as they are. sorry tragedycamp as a californian, we know when wildfire season is. we watch it every year. we know what point in the summer is most dangerous for things like bonfires or outdoor barbecues o
    via Reddit
  • 06
    Text - lakevida gonna go stand in a creek do you guys need anything my-fandom-needs-me #yeah i need you to find a leaf #and gently set it in the water #and watch solemnly as it floats away lakevida god finally a reasonable request
    via Reddit
  • 07
    Text - fartgallery - puncromancer Follow unseelie-mage Follow A brief insight into a world where animals vocalize like Pokémon: Patient: "What's wrong with me?" Doctor: "Well let's take a listen." Muffled voice from inside patient: "Tapeworm" Source: unseelie-mage 3,632 notes
    via Reddit
  • 08
    Text - therapist: the semihemidemisemiquaver isn't real, it can't hurt you the semihemidemisemiquaver: love-to-love-puppies Follow Can someone who speaks sheet music translate for me? johnnyjoestarrelatable Follow fast
    via Reddit
  • 09
    Text - memewhore Jason O @longwall26 It's not the most ethical move in the world, but in a pinch you can hand off a cursed object to basically any baby. trveroman Concept- someone tries this trick with a cursed hairpin or some buit, but the malevolent old woman whose spirit inhabits the object instead grows very fond of the baby. Now, the parents not only have to deal with the child, but the blood- soaked, horrific specter that plays games with the baby and rocks it to sleep from beyond the grav
    via Reddit
  • 10
    Technology - SAKKS SOMESHIT SAKKS SOMESHIT SAKKS SOMESHIT SAKKKS en-shaedn: SOMESHIT lackofa: Giraffe-taur drops a quarter: the crappy comic. okay but this is the purpose of the internet. I can look at a cute comic about a giraffe centaur who dropped his quarter trying to get a crappy vending machine snack. In no universe would I think of or make this myself. How awesome
    via Reddit
  • 11
    Text - hedgerowdevil Follow OFFICER: the victims were dismembered and sacrificed on an altar made of antlers DETECTIVE: dear god OFFICER: most likely yes fourpawrule Follow FINALLY, A QUALITY PUN. whatdoyoumeanitsnotawesome Follow Hannibal, NBC, 2013
    via Reddit
  • 12
    Text - buggachat Follow Guys. I need to make something very clear to you. Let me paint a picture. Let's say we played a game of "would you rather', and I gave you two options. As per the instructions of the game, I told you that if you did not choose an answer, I would pick an answer for you. Let's make the question something... easy. Let's say I said "would you rather I punch you one time, or three hundred times?" What would you answer? . You'd say "once", right? Because that's clearly the bett
    via Reddit
  • 13
    Text - pink-mage just wanna remind y'all that there was a character in Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy who accidentally became immortal and decided to spend his eternity of suffering traveling through time and space to insult everyone in the universe, one by one, in alphabetical order, and if that's not a hero idk what is Source: pink-mage 101,578 notes Sep 1st, 2020
    via Reddit
  • 14
    Text - nolan-gerard-funk-deactivated20 "I lived without out a computer and cell phone when I was your age.“ yeah well YOUR parents lived without a microwave and the polio vaccine but I don't see you giving that up fan-spocking-tastic breaking news: parents have seen this post and in retaliation have begun to give up polio and other vaccines
    via Reddit
  • 15
    Text - feministbatman Someone asked my maths professor why numbers exist and she said "One day, for whatever reason, someone decided they wanted to count things and it's been a major inconvenience for everybody ever since." merroki This is channeling the spirit of Terry Pratchett BECOME mortallyimportantwizard WIZAPO In the beginning the universe was created This made a lot of people very angry and has been widely regarded as a bad move - Douglas Adams
    via Reddit
  • 16
    Cat - Lascion SOus lo Troisieme lesbianpirates: my flatmate told me that theres this cat always around at the uni campus, often in the library (it even has its own library card) The owner made a facebook group called Pepspotting (the cats name is Pep) where you can post pics of the cat if you see it somewhere
    via Reddit
  • 17
    Text - tilthat TIL that the King of Prussia had a personal army of 3000 tall men and admitted, "The most beautiful girl or woman in the world would be a matter of indifference to me, but tall soldiers-they are my weakness" via reddit.com butmuhgains tfw short soldier :(( > The Emperor of Austria, Russian Tsar Peter the Great and even the Sultan of the Ottoman Empire sent him tall soldiers in order to encourage friendly relations Imagine the divinely-appointed sovereign of your nation deciding yo
    via Reddit
  • 18
    Text - mjalti joking about a kink is a gateway drug into developing said kink hidden-divinity my kink is mental, emotional, and financial stability lady--iron Unrealistic, settle for choking like normal people
    via Reddit
  • 19
    Cartoon - Um, excuse me scary orb thing. Where are you taking us? Isn't that the high school? Prepare to be drained of all individuatity and spirit. Yep. High school. kissesformabitches: Disney channel knew whats up
    via Reddit
  • 20
    Text - RE tilthat Follow TIL squirrels' brains grow in size during the fall to help them remember where they bury their nuts. Their brains are smaller the rest of the year via reddit.com pon-raul Follow post-nut clarity
    via Reddit
  • 21
    Text - weaver-z How the media depicts the Apollo 11 mission: "THAT'S ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN- ONE GIANT LEAP FOR MANKIND." APOLLO -NEIL A. ARMSTRONG Actual quotes from the Apollo 11 mission: Collins: I'd like to enter Aldrin in the oatmeal eating contest next time. [Bruce McCandless, in Mission Control): Is he pretty good at that? Collins: He's doing his share up here. McCandless: Let's see. You all just finished a meal not long ago, too, didn't you? Aldrin: I'm still eating. McCandless: Okay. Do
    via Reddit
  • 22
    Text - A prongsmydeer Being a procrastinator with a violent fear of failure is almost hilarious because like 80% of the time l'm like "I'm not even going to think about this" and then there's like a distinct moment when everything switches and it turns to "I can't fail oh my god I need to turn this into an A in like a day why am I like this"
    via Reddit
  • 23
    Text - a-fragile-sort-of-anarchy Took a nap and had a dream that I'd gotten a hyperrealistic tattoo of a Band Aid, just so that I could cover it with a real Band Aid. When people would ask what happened, I'd say, "It's kind of weird. Are you sure you wanna' see?" and then I'd dramatically rip the Band Aid off to reveal my tattoo of a Band Aid. Classic Astral Plane Me. insomination Don't tempt me like this.
    via Reddit
  • 24
    Text - sehyn my mom says she's not a hugger. but when i put my arms around her on a gloomy day or after bad news she's the last to let go. my dad says he doesn't want gifts on his birthday, but i see the way his face lights up when i get him a card with a nice message and a box full of chocolate anyway. he's just a kid inside, still. it makes him giddy. my brother never says i love you. but when i tell him "i just need to finish the dishes before i vacuum!" he wordlessly goes to vacuum the entir
    via Reddit
  • 25
    Text - peteseeger You can stop the trolley at any time, but doing so would disrupt the trolley service causing the company to lose profits 0000 pantasticdeer #what about their freedom to lie on the tracks? #op hates liberty these are the best tags on this post notafuckingwizard If I lie on the tracks enthusiastically enough, they'll let me in the trolley I just know it! raikou if you stop the trolley now it would be unfair to the people who worked hard to get run over by it in the past :( Source
    via Reddit
  • 26
    Face - Oh, uh. reading. Reading? I didmt kobw you could read. muffarino: Friendly reminder that Tom Felton improvised this scene because he forgot his line.
    via Reddit
  • 27
    Text - justhurtingalot Isn't it weird how you can actually feel the pain in your chest and stomach when something really hurts your feelings christichris This is actually because it activates your vagus nerve! Basically your body goes "we are so upset! We must be injured! Where???? On the inside guts! Those are confusing and hard to differentiate!!! Confusing guts are hurt!" sapphicalienn Great! How do I uninstall it?
    via Reddit
  • 28
    Text - broken-skies-and-angel-wings-de This guy I was talking to was saying how women play sports just as well as men, and he said, "One time I was reffing a womens softball game, on the full moon, and -" And I was like, " Why does it matter that it was on the full moon?" and he was like "Well, you know, the full moon.. women on the full moon" and i was like 'I don't get it' and he was like "Periods" and he thought all women just get their periods on the full moon and i just thought it was reall
    via Reddit
  • 29
    Text - g just-shower-thoughts If you wore a vr headset linked to a camera drone that was set to follow you from a few feet behind you could live in third person. greenbaconsmoothie disassociating vikingofficial If you can't dissociate naturally store bought is fine Source: just-shower-thoughts
    via Reddit
  • 30
    Organism - loversdreamersandyou Follow The letter V doesn't know any V-words? I'm fresh from the factory, I don't know anything. nuisancealligator This is what it feels like to be in training at a new job
    via Reddit
  • 31
    Text - slashmarks there's a big difference between "food waste" as in "farmers destroy tons of food to avoid exceeding quotas" or "supermarkets throw away this much edible food because it doesn't sell" and "food waste" as in "it is not actually within the capacity of humans to perfectly predict and track household food consumption, so a certain amount of food per household inevitably goes bad and has to be thrown out every year" transexualizer the idea that food waste is the product of thoughtle
    via Reddit
  • 32
    Text - nivrir Follow sometimes i do voice calls w my friends on discord and my icon is this but i never have my video on so when we call everybody sees this Source: nivrir
    via Reddit
  • 33
    Text - heyitspj sword girlfriend like a regular girlfriend but with a sword heyitspj kingcheddarxvii Sword Girlfriend's got nothin on KNIFE WIFE now THIS is a POST
    via Reddit
  • 34
    Text - CHEAT MODE Close your eyes and you can play any game in your mind, even paper Mario lonely-boiii Paper Mario is trash pukicho Close your eyes and imagine yourself being a more likeable person, and then open them and weep
    via Reddit
  • 35
    Text - whenever i see this gif BacatCamlo nent ham i think of this one time my sister was riding in the car and she was doodling and she finished drawing this shark right at a stop light so she turns to the guy in the car next to her and holds up her drawing and shows it to him and he looks over at it and he makes like that exact exuression
    via Reddit
  • 36
    Text - ja-khajay My experience with digital art MERGE THE LAYER KRONK WRONGLA YER spook-wolf WHY DO WE EVEN HAVE THAT LAYER Source: ja-khajay 213,897 notes A
    via Reddit
  • 37
    Text - olivertrees: raddestbabe: everyone's having their mid-life crises at like 19 Pinned Tweet Alex Wyse @alexwyse Jan 31 Since it's impossible to know which period of my life is the middle, I've decided to have an ongoing crisis. 27 912 1.4K ... Source: raddestbabe 1,307,000 notes
    via Reddit
  • 38
    Text - thecheesyllama So in my 3D class there's another kid named Roy, which is my name. Also in 3D class, we aren't allowed to listen to music. So I was talking to our professor and Roy walked by with earbuds in and the professor said "Roy, take those things out of your ears" and I took my hearing aids out of my ears and said "sorry". That is the greatest joke I have ever told and no one laughed and I honestly feel so under appreciated rn. Honestly that joke made being deaf completely worth it
    via Reddit
  • 39
    Cartoon - animejebbush Follow i was at five guys and i've never wanted to meet someone more than i do the guy that drew this bigwordsandsharpedges Follow gain.jpg
    via Reddit
  • 40
    Text - godlessondheimite Follow I would date an actor just so I can tell people that my boyfriend's an actor and then they'd be like "oh? What's he been in?" And l'd say "me" and raise my wine glass and laugh because in this scenario l'm at a fancy cocktail party. Source: godlessondheimite 414,784 notes
    via Reddit
  • 41
    Text - lesbwian Follow "we're ruining the planet" i'm sorry who is this we i don't recall myself running a billion dollar oil business hardleywhelmed Follow Sometimes I use the keurig and I feel bad but then I remember Just 100 companies responsible for 71% of global emissions
    via Reddit
  • 42
    Text - vampireapologist Follow I miss working in a reptile center and ppl would just come in like "we found this turtle. Nothings wrong with him. We brought it in just in case you want it." Put it back vampireapologist Follow One time someone brought in an eagle the hit with their car. I was like "this is a reptile center" and they were like "well I'm not leaving with this eagle. I've got to go to work." I couldn't like. Physically force them to take back their eagle so then I just had this eagl
    via Reddit
  • 43
    Text - spektordetektor The Egyptians did not distinguish between a wild cat and a domesticated cat; all cats were known as "miu" (or "miut") often translated as "he or she who mews". The origin of this name is not clear but it seems likely that it is an onomatopoetic reference to the sound a cat makes (mew). However, some commentators This is so pure I'm gonna die actuallyalivingsaint Egyptians: It mew. Cats: mew Source: spektordetektor
    via Reddit

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